It's after midnight at this moment. Big C has left for his weekly OCS drills in the state capital of Arkansas. The kidlets are tucked away in their beds and konked out from the day's adventures (oh yes, we had our new pool dug out and installed and we even saw...dum, dum, drum roll please, Captain America). Yet, here I sit. I've been heavy hearted this week. Very heavy hearted. I tend to think I'm a loon deserving of admittance to the state mental institution (please tell me Texas has no such thing) when I'm feeling gloom.
I'm quite frankly a party all in myself. I throw some of the wildest pity parties you'll ever see! Lord bless me, I don't usually remember them after the troubles are gone.
Generally, my gloom is brought on by troubles with the Big C. Yes, troubles. See... I told you it "ain't always pretty." That's life. That's marriage. If it were easy, I'm sure the divorce rate wouldn't be where it is now.
Why the trouble, you ask. I'm not sure I can say with definition. It's a feeling of detachment. He's overwhelmed at work, overwhelmed with his Officer Training and yet, at the end of the day, I expect him to leave all those worries behind and enter the world of me and the kidlets where everything is sunshine and daisies and at times, rainbows and yes.... yes, UNICORNS! Oh my goodness, I left out the skipping and holding hands... I mustn't leave out pertient details. So, I said it!
When he comes home with an overwhelming desire to do this, do that (generally, in front of the computer handling a thousand emails and at least a dozen phone calls), I start to feel... well... honestly, it's somewhere between jealous and left out and what-about-me. Childish... yeah. Probably so... actually is, so. However, in the moment, in this moment even... it feels like there are 1 bajillion katrillion miles between us and I could walk by him, completely naked, maybe even covered in chocolate, eating a corndog and talking to my unicorns and he wouldn't even notice... nevermind adding: bouncing through the field of daisies that exist only in my mind. He might even nod and say, "Yes, I like unicorns and chocolate, too." Only realizing a week later that he'd said anything about unicorns... and insisting that there is NO WAY I was naked OR wearing just my chocolate.
LIGHTBULB! So, maybe the next time he brings his work home with him, and I'm feeling lonely and left out, I should tell him as gently and tenderly as I can. Yes, he's that kind of man. He's a good man who's willing to fix any problem... if he KNOWS what the problem is (yeah, I kind of have to open up, spill the glitter, share the unicorns, and tell him what's going on with me).
Why? I know him. He's hot-toed to fix anything within his power (that's usually a man thing anyway). And, if that doesn't work, I'll put the kidlets to bed. Afterwards, I'll bake myself a corndog, melt myself some chocolate, lather up and walk by him five or six times hacking and coughing while attempting to eat my corndog... at least until he does notice. Yeah, that's just me. That's just one of the things that makes us so interesting...
Hello mistress... thank you for taking the time to help out with the wife.
Again, please tell me that Texas has no such thing (ya know... state mental institutions for unicorn lovin', glitter throwin', corndog eatin' mistresses)!
Well I know all too well how hard it can be to feel left behind, that is one of the curses of being a military spouse. Remind yourself of those days though, I am sure you remember what he is dealing with...and yes if all else fails... Chocolate and corndog it up baby! Ya know, you should just do that anyways just for giggles ;)
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