Lasting happiness...

It takes some time to develop a very real sense of what makes us happy.  You know... real, lasting happiness.  The kind that reaches deep within one's soul and roots itself so snuggly within that the only resounding noise is, well--giggles and the little speckly sound (yes, I've heard it, don't argue with me) that glitter makes as it falls to the ground.  Yes! Oh... that makes me happy!

Okay, apparently... it's not been long enough for me.

Yep... there's another pity party thrown in there, but don't feel too badly for me because I'm about to make you feel a number of very particular ways:

a) ashamed--as in, I cannot be reading this
b) gross--she said that OUT LOUD!
c) oh, now this is my type of person

Anything other than those three is just craziness and will make absolutely no sense...afterall, there are only a small few of us that believe in the power of glitter throwing unicorns, right--at least to me, but who's really counting?!

As badly as things get for whatever reason... marriage, life, finances, turmoil, emotions, etc... there are a few things that never change-- (she shakes her head gloomily knowing what she's about to say must be the words of her inner wand-carrying, winged-glitter throwing-self) --love and its true sexual intimacy!

I can't help but thank God every single day that my one and only, my spouse and life partner is also the only man I've ever really been with.  Some see it as a disadvantage but I prefer to see it as... well, quite frankly, seeing that the oneness is on both our parts (I too was the only woman he'd ever been with), we've had over eleven years of marriage to learn what happy is!!  And I won't lie to any of you... it's being free to be yourself, your honest self--despite how it sounds, despite how others think it may sound, and accepting yourself as you.  You are powerful, wonderful, and more beautiful than any glitter-covered corndog I've ever seen.

In our own personal journey we've learned that no matter what is going on between us, no matter what is going on outside of us, despite any struggle one, the other, or even both of us is facing, there is a level of intimacy that can only be achieved when we truly love and care for the other person (selflessness).  It goes deeper than glitter, deeper than unicorns, and deeper than even my obsession with corndogs.  It's honesty.  It's completely giving.  It's sitting down and sharing your fears, your concerns, and your deepest emotions with your forever partner.

For me, this is not always easy.  Each of you knows how difficult I find it to be "just me".  I'm an emotional woman who cries when every fairy gets its wings... and well, around here that happens too often.  However, I choose to look at it another way... God made me in His own image.  There is purpose in my being... power in my expression...

...and in the end, doesn't honest and great communication just lead to really great sex.  See... told you that you would think, "did she really say that?"  Yes.  Yes, I did.  And what's wrong with really great sex?  Heck. Nothing.  It's like chocolate dipped corndogs... the best of both worlds!

So, to touch back on my post from a few days ago, my insightful moment came after having a rather lengthy talk with my special other.  While many options ran through my mind, the most favorable choice was to simply sit and share my troubles with the man whom I'm committed my life.  Craziness, right?  Who talks to their spouse these days?

This was my problem.  For so long I'd held in how I felt, what I feared, and the things that troubled me that I'd separated myself from my spouse.  I could no longer be the helpmeet he needed, and I no longer expected he could help me.  I created my very own alone by abandoning God's purpose for marriage.

And what is this purpose?  I cannot state it any more clearly than has already been stated, " Yes, marriage is God's arrangement for lifetime companionship and the arena for our sexual expression, but like with all that He has created, God uses marriage to direct us towards Himself. "

So... corndogs, unicorn, and glitter aside, I must remember that I am no longer *just me. I have been given this special person with whom I'm to share my life.  It is not just my spouse... it is also my God.  The ultimate goal is to bring me closer to Him.